When I Was A Child I Had A Fever

Back on the Lexapro again. Without the Lexapro, I felt like I was drowning. The sadness, the anger, and the hopelessness surrounded me and consumed me. I couldn't take a breath without feeling despair. I would wake up, imagine the rest of my life doing the same thing over again, feeling empty, and realizing that I felt like I was drowning.

With the Lexapro, the sadness, the anger and the hopelessness is still there. But instead of those emotions feeling like an ocean, they're now little pebbles in my chest. They're the grit in my shoes.

That might sound like an improvement. Maybe it is. But the problem is that all my emotions feel like little pebbles in my chest. What little happiness I have, creativity, my ambition, all little pieces of grit.

So what's left is a numbness. I don't feel like taking a step off a tall building, but I also don't feel like meeting new people. I still do wonder what's the point, but that's only to fill the seconds of my life.