Too Drunk To F***

Marty's social life has taken a positive turn mainly because he had the balls to be direct and forthright regarding a certain financial advisor (thanks to Dubois, the Napolean of Dating Strategies), and now his dates in the near future are tax deductible! But we all know you don't come here to read about chocalate unicorns and happy sugar teddy bears and dancing pixie fairies and rainbow gumdrops. So since Marty has found out that Angry Yellow is listed as a Law Talking Person Blog on other links, he's providing some legal lessons Marty has learned from dumb ass opposing counsel in the past few months:

1. If you decide that you want to scam a homeowners association with a bogus discrimination claim followed up by some frivolous litigation, you probably don't want to have a current default $3.9 million civil judgment against your ass for securities fraud as well as an SEC lawyer gunning after you like Tom Cruise gunning after a believable beard.

2. If you're a lawyer, you probably don't want to accept the above-identified person as a client. You definitely don't want to sign a federal complaint containing wholesale (and easily discoverable because they're part of the public record) factual misrepresentations, especially since by signing such a complaint, you are attesting under the law that the facts contained in the complaint are true.

3. Wanna have a flurry of motions to disqualify you and your firm as trial counsel? Why don't you go ahead and negotiate a deal that falls apart and then represent the client in the ensuing litigation so that you can serve as both a material witness and trial counsel!!! And to further screw over the client, make harmful representations during the negotiation that your client did not authorize and are completely lacking in any factual basis!!!

4. If you see that a co-defendant has lost its motion for summary judgment because it failed to follow a California Rule of Court, and your own summary judgment fails to follow that same California Rule of Court but your hearing isn't for another month, maybe you want to correct your summary judgment so you follow that California Rule of Court. I'm just sayinz, bro.