Good Fortune

"And I feel like some bird of paradise
My bad fortune slipping away
And I feel the innocence of a child
Everybody's got something good to say"

- PJ Harvey, "Good Fortune"

After about thirty-three and a half years of existence, I think I'm finally beginning to feel comfortable with who I am. Do I still have angst? Well yeah, but not about my personality. Do I still dream about being on EW's It List for new writers? Hells ya, yo, but I'm not tossing and turning over whether I'll ever be published.

OK, so maybe I don't sound all yippity skippity about every aspect of my life. But I don't feel the need to apologize for who I am or to change the way I behave. I don't feel the need to pity myself and pull the whole self-martyr thing. I'm just a guy who, more often than not, will pull knee-jerk acts of kindness that will get me in trouble. I'm also a guy who, more often than not, can be a materialistic and lookist bastard.

Now, I'm still not ready to totally let the past fade to black. And fucking aye, flakiness still annoys the shit outta me (I know, living in LA, the flakiness capital of the world, that's like being an eskimo that gets pissed about snow). But on the other hand, being comfortable with myself has taken away one more worry from my brow.

Yup, getting paid $80/hour for an ocean view sure does have wonderous recuperative effects.