Madder

So I can sleep now, though once in a while the anger and the heartache hit so hard I have to stop and catch my breath. There's nothing I can do except imagine myself in movie, with some Groove Armada or other chill out music playing in the back as I watch the sun set over the Pacific with a rapidly deteriorating faith that I'll meet that someone who'll tell me it's OK, who'll make me smile, and who'll fuck me silly.

I've been stopping myself from going into full new age cliche mode, but I have to wonder what the fuck the deal is. So Big Fucking Liar stokes a fire that wasn't there only because he wanted to go out with Accountant Chick, and which is further stoked by Golden Boy flirting with a Certain Someone constantly despite the fact he has a girlfriend. Oh yeah, and while I'm being Mr. Good Guy by keeping it secret, it's making me all broody and dark (the goatee is back) while he looks like, well, the Golden Boy. And before that, it was meeting the one cute blonde chick who was just as into music as I am, and more importantly, who dug me, when I was still up in Silicon Valley, only to have her shack up with some no doubt scumbag of a guy by the time I move down here. Lesson to be learned here? Honestly, I must have already atoned for whatever karmic fuck up I had in a past life.

And people wonder why my nickname in law school was "Angry."