Turn and Run

An excerpt from a novel that's only in my head:

"OK Josh, let me get this straight. The woman you had frightening chemistry with about a year ago and your original reason for moving to Lalaland but who ended up shacking up with some greasy music exec by the time you moved down here is giving you the 'I have mace and I know how to use it' stare by the cocktails. The woman you're currently in love is being a complete wallflower in the kitchen corner but you can't do anything about it because you're technically her boss and anyways she may or may not be in love with one of your best buds at work. The woman everyone thinks you should be in love with you find physically repulsive, which she knows because you said you'd rather gnaw your own arm off and then beat yourself with it without knowing that she was standing right behind you, is crying in the bedroom. And the woman you have the most in common with is your best friend from high school and is currently talking to the woman who everyone thinks you should be in love with. What the hell did you do? Punch a nun in the kidneys on your way here?"