Maps

This non-thing with CFC has scarred me deeper than I thought. During the day, I still have thoughts about her every once in a while. That's to be expected. The Secretary blew me off, but I have Harmless Chick lined up. And if Harmless Chick doesn't work out, I'm just a random meeting away from a hookup. Upward and onward, right?

That animal part of the brain though, well, it's a bit tenacious. Last night, I dreamt I had to go back to Gateway Gig to pick up something. I saw CFC but she didn't see me at all. Then I thought how much I wanted to change things, but couldn't. I knew absolutely nothing at all would change the way I felt about her, and even worse, nothing at all would change the way she didn't feel about me. I left to go meet my pal the Big Jew at his gig, and NC was there. He saw me and gave me that shit-eating grin. I couldn't avoid the guy. I woke up pissed and not a little bit sad. It might be time to go back on the Lexapro.

In the meantime, I'm trying to get used to writing full time again. I did it before. Half a year of almost complete solitude. That's the toughest part. At two in the afternoon, most people can jaunt over to their co-workers office, shoot the shit. I have the commentary track of "Undeclared." But I chose to live this life for the next couple of month. The hanged man. A sacrifice for a better and brighter future.