Replicant

I received an invoice from Sprint PCS for cell phone service addressed to my old digs. So here's the thing--I don't own a cell phone. Dun dun dah!!! And Sprint PCS's service line is a Catch-22. In order to talk to a customer service representative, you have to enter that last 4 digits of your social security number. And lo and behold, the dude who set up service under my name didn't use my social (which I certainly a blessing in the larger scheme of things). So I had to go through 5 rounds of "Please enter the last four digits of your social security number--that is an invalid number" before I was finally shunted off to an actual person. The representative was actually a friendly guy and typed in a fraud report ("You need to call back seven to ten business days"), but then he said "Thank you for using Sprint PCS." I know it's simply a knee-jerk reaction on his part, but I nearly said, "Dude, but I don't use Sprint PCS."