I Feel It Closing In

This is the fourth (or is it fifth) straight day straight of June gloom. I know I shouldn't be complaining because, hell, I was still able to wear shorts in January while my East Coast friends were trudging through slush. But you know, you get spoiled, and this minor cloudiness is making me feel all depressed and maudlin. I can't get Joy Division songs out of my head and I can't get motivated to write the goddamn novel. I get all paranoid, then pissed at myself for getting paranoid, about liberal chick not writing me back even though I know she's uber busy and has always written back before (and even if she is blowing me off, so what, it's LA, this is cute chiqua central).

Anyway, here I go on a random tangent. Ian Curtis - has a wife, a kid, a mortgage and a band about to go on an American tour. You may hate Joy Division's music (it's so bleak, it's so repetitive), but you'll have to admit, it makes you feel something, and that's where he succeeded brilliantly. After listening to Joy Division, you will think of "Love Will Tear It Apart" anytime it rains, or you go through a massive breakup. That's why everyone, including yours truly, thinks he's a genius. Right on the edge of success, he goes home and hangs himself. Jeff Buckley - puts out one incredible album, the type of album that's in every major bands CD player, in every music critics top-10 list. While recording his second album, he waded out into the Memphis River and drowned. So what the hell is it that drives these guys to self-annihilation right before success? (Don't worry, this is not a cry for help. This comes out of watching 24 Hour Party People and the dead-on portrayal of Ian Curtis). Sigh.